Greetings From the Near Future

I want YOU to stop pledging your fake allegiances!

Hello there. I am writing this from the future. Not like The Jetsons or Futurama future. I'm writing from July 12, 2010. Yesterday was the final of the World Cup, once again ending sports' largest spectacle until 2014. I'm not here to tell you how amazing the final was, and I won't tell you who won (I don't want to spoil it for you all). I am here merely to forewarn you about the nationalistic feelings stirring about now. I know right now you are all still crushed by Team USA's 2-1 extra time loss to Ghana in the Round of 16 in the World Cup. But don't worry, by now you've moved on to the next big thing, and once again, like usual, no one in America gives a crap about soccer.

I know, right now this may seem unusual to you. After all, you probably already went out and bought your awesome, beauty-pageant looking Landon Donovan jersey after his goal in stoppage time to beat Algeria. And after four games, you might even be able to name more than five players on the roster (well, let's see... Donovan... Jozy Altidore... Tim Howard... Clint Dempsey... Bob Bradley. Or is that the coach? Wait, no, that's Bruce Arenas. Ah, got it. Bob Bradley is the coach, and Shawn Bradley is the awesome seven-foot, six-inch mid-fielder who wins all the headers. That's right, isn't it?) By now you are a soccer buff. You bleed red, white, and blue. Those gentlemen left their hearts out there on the pitch, and for that you appreciate and respect them.

Oh how I laugh.

Sure, you enjoyed watching the games and rooting for your country, but it is by no means a life or death situation. We aren't in France, where FIFA threatened to ban Les Bleus from international competition if the French government intervenes in the mutiny debacle that broke out in the Group Stage. We aren't England, where riots break out during games on a somewhat consistent basis. And we are not Brazil, the only country in the world where every match in every tournament and friendly every year is expected to be a win. Not a draw, and certainly not a loss. A win.

This is no different than hockey and the Olympics. For a couple days we got hockey craze because the US beat Canada, then everyone watched the gold medal game, again versus our friendly neighbors to the north. When Sidney Crosby scored the game-winner in overtime for Canada, Americans were crushed. People actually cared about hockey. Then three days later hockey highlights were back to their usual place, squeezed into the last five minutes of SportsCenter. The World Cup is no different. No one will care about the international friendlies starting in October, or the qualifying for the 2014 World Cup in Brazil, or any other tournament the US will participate in.

Sorry if I'm being Mr. Negativity here, but it's the truth. Here's my theory on the situation: The US needs to prove it's strength in everything. It has to be the best. USA soccer historically has been dreadful. Now that the team is halfway decent when it plays to full potential (i.e. not giving up goals within the first five minutes of a game), Americans jump on the bandwagon not because they care about soccer. If they did, every match would be a big deal, no matter how insignificant it is. They board it because it is yet another opportunity to flex the United States' muscles to the world to prove that, yes, America freaking rocks. Can we please stop hearing about how soccer is on the verge of being as big as football, baseball, and basketball in this country? Face it. It's not happening. Other countries have the same problem. People in Europe like American football. But it will never, ever, come close to being as big as soccer. But unlike in the US, they don't have a bunch of phonies who pretend once every couple of years they looooove football, only to go on dismissing it when games end. They are too busy chanting "Ole, ole, ole, ole" at English Premier League matches to do so.

There are a ton of headlines here on this July 12th. LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and the other superstar NBA free agents have signed contracts with new teams (or have they???). The 139th Open Championship will be played at St. Andrew's, a course topped in history and beauty by perhaps only Augusta National. Tiger Woods won the last two times it was played at St. Andrews, so of course that's all ESPN is talking about. Baseball has its typical coverage, seeing as no other pro sports are in season. But no one is talking about USA soccer. No one cares anymore. There is a new World Cup champion. Woo-hoo. I love the idea that the country comes together as one for the World Cup. It's a pretty mutual bond between Americans. But get over it, people. You don't care about soccer. Please stop acting like you are die-hard fans. You aren't.