Now I Find Them (Bum-bum, bum-bum, bum-bum, bum-bum) Simply Irreplaceable

The injury bug is beginning to make its presence felt in Major League Baseball. In May the game's best clutch hitter in Los Angeles' Andre Ethier broke his pinkie. Before the injury he was hitting .392, and since he's hit a lowly .235. For awhile the bug went away, but this weekend it came back with a vengeance, and it took all of its pent-up anger out on the Boston Red Sox. Clay Buchholz will miss his next scheduled start with a strained left hamstring. Victor Martinez broke his thumb Sunday and was placed on the 15-day disabled list (hey, at least his bone wasn't sticking out of the thumb, unlike yours truly). But the biggest blow came Friday, when Dustin Pedroia hit a foul ball off his foot, breaking it. He'll miss six weeks. He is the one player the Sox cannot afford to lose right now, what with Boston being in a heated three-way battle for first place in the AL East. The Red Sox lost their most valuable player, so who can the other 29 teams ill afford to lose? I went team-by-team and picked one player from each whom I deem worthy of being given the title of "Simply Irreplaceable", my crappy spin of Robert Palmer's awesome '80s song. They may not be the most talented player, but they are most certainly the heart-and-soul. That being said, I was cautious to choose a pitcher, because they can only make an impact once every five games, and relievers typically are average at best. On to the results!

Arizona: Brandon Webb -- He became a star two years ago, winning the NL Cy Young and leading the D'Backs to an 82-80 record. Then he got hurt Opening Day last year and hasn't pitched since. The Diamondbacks are at the bottom of the NL West without their ace, and all of their players are strikingly similar stats-wise, to the point that none are bad, but none stand out as irreplaceable. No one, however, has stepped up and taken the place of Webb as team ace, and the results have been poor.

Atlanta: Martin Prado -- Second basemen are not supposed to hit for power. Chase Utley and Dan Uggla were seemingly the exceptions to this, but now Prado has joined his NL East compadres. He is the complete package. He is on his way to a 20-HR season, leads the Braves with a .331 average and 54 runs scored, and is among the league leaders in fielding. With Chipper Jones on the decline, Nate McLouth being an incredible disappointment, and only two teammates hitting above .300, Prado has been a key contributor in the fact that Atlanta is in first place.

Baltimore: Nick Markakis -- No one on this team is valuable or irreplaceable. Every year I jokingly pick one team to be relegated to the minor leagues. It was the Royals from 2004-07, the Nationals in 2008, and the Pirates last year. This year it is the Orioles' turn. They are well on their way to 100 losses, and could hit 110 if they tried hard enough. I chose Markakis because he is the only one that would start no matter what team he played for. His is hitting .306, but he is incredibly patient at the plate, with 44 walks drawn. This ability to get on base, so the Orioles can actually score runs and give themselves a lead before the bullpen blows it, gives Markakis this prestigious honor.

Boston: Dustin Pedroia -- He isn't the most talented player. But the 2008 AL MVP is the epitome of hard work. Saying he's "Tough as nails" doesn't do him justice. He's listed as 5'9", is more like 5'7, but plays like a giant. Before his injury he was starting to heat up, with a .374 average in June. His hustle and passion is impossible to ignore, and his teammates feed off it. Defensively, there are few better in the game at second base. There will be a huge hole missing for the next six weeks. ESPN's Buster Olney considered him one of the 15 most valuable players in all of baseball.

(NOTE: If you have ESPN Insider you can see all of his most valuable players here, or you can see 30 of them here for free. Unless you really want to send me money, which I would not at all be opposed to.)

Chicago (NL): Ryan Theriot -- For a shortstop, his .283 average is pretty good. He is above average defensively, doesn't have the lethargy of Alfonso Soriano, and can steal bases. According to fangraphs.com, he was worth over $10 million between 2008 and 2009. He made $5.2 million. He may not hit for power, but power is never expected out of a shortstop. He's not the most well-known Cub, but he's a huge part of the team.

Chicago (AL): Carlos Quentin -- In 2008 the ChiSox were in contention in the AL Central, and Quentin was among the AL MVP candidates with 36 homers and 100 RBI. Then he got hurt and missed all of September, as the White Sox quietly went down in the ALDS. He missed most of last year and the team finished with a losing record. This year he started incredibly slowly. On June 13 he was hitting .201 with 7 HRs. The team was 28-34. Then they went on to win 11 in a row before losing twice, and it is no coincidence that Quentin raised his average to .233 and hit 6 more homers. His presence in the lineup means more runs for Ozzie Guillen's crew.

Cincinnati: Brandon Phillips -- This is a very balanced group. Five of eight starters (minus pitcher) hit at least .279, and seven players have at least 59 hits. Ultimately I had to choose one, though, and I chose Brandon Phillips. I figured no one expected Scott Rolen to have the season he's having (.301, 17 HR, 53 RBI), and Joey Votto is not as valuable as Phillips. A Gold Glove second baseman, Phillips can do it offensively and defensively. He has hit 30 home runs in a season, is walking more and striking out less, and can steal bases. The Reds are competing for the division title this year, and it starts at the top with their newfound leadoff man, Phillips.

Cleveland: Shin-Soo Choo -- Leads an awful Indians squad in average, hits, home runs, runs batted in, on-base percentage, slugging percentage, and runs scored. I don't want to know how horrific the team would be without him.

Colorado: Ubaldo Jimenez -- The 26-year-old is 14-1 and has a 1.83 earned run average. The season isn't even halfway done, and he is already at 14 wins. Are you kidding me? He threw a no-hitter, and in his last start had another one going for six innings. He is easily the favorite to win the NL Cy Young right now. And all of this for just $1.25 million. I think I see a raise in his future.

Detroit: Miguel Cabrera -- He leads the team (by a wide margin, mind you) in average (.335), homers (20), RBI (66), on-base percentage (.412), hits (93), and runs scored (56). He's my AL MVP for the first half of the year. He brings the offense from a mediocre one to a somewhat above-average one. Justin Verlander was a close second, but again, the whole pitcher thing.

Florida: Josh Johnson -- He is 8-3 with an ERA of 1.83 and a walks and hits per inning pitched (WHIP) of 0.93. His streak of eight starts without allowing more than one earned run was snapped in his last start, a streak that has been seen eight times since 1900. Folks, that is more rare than a perfect game. It hasn't been seen since Bob Gibson had a streak of 11 straight starts in 1968, when his ERA was 1.12. How this kid isn't getting more attention is beyond me. I think he's a better pitcher than Ubaldo Jimenez, but Jimenez has 14 wins to Johnson's 8, so he's the Cy Young winner as of right now.

Houston: Roy Oswalt -- Again, this team has no players that are superstars. Lance Berkman is way past his prime, Carlos Lee is having a bad year (.238 average), and the only position player I considered, Michael Bourn, has a strikeout-to-walk ratio of 58:30. Not good for a leadoff hitter. And I can state with absolute certainty that Oswalt is the best 5-10 pitcher in baseball. He record is not representative of how he has pitched. He has an ERA of 3.55, which is up from what it was a month ago. His WHIP is 1.13, and he's struck out 97 batters while walking only 29. The Astros have the worst offense in baseball, which makes their pitching staff look a lot worse than it actually is.

Kansas City: Billy Butler -- Zack Greinke is the most talented and most recognizable Royal. However, when he won the Cy Young last year, the Royals finished in last place at 65-97. This year he is 3-8, and KC is on pace for about 88 losses, so him being electric is fairly insignificant. Butler, however, is the fuel that gets this offense going. He is the only 30 HR, 100 RBI threat. If he doesn't hit, then the Royals have a ton more trouble scoring runs.

Los Angeles of Anaheim: Torii Hunter -- Complete player. Great fielder. Good power and average. Leads the team in average, RBIs, and extra base hits. Will occasionally steal a base here and there. He mans the outfield, he has the experience and the leadership to get the Angels yet another division title.

Los Angeles: Andre Ethier -- Before his injury he was hitting .380 with 11 homers and 38 runs batted in, all among the league leaders. His ability to hit in the clutch is something we haven't seen since David Ortiz in 2004. In his five seasons he has eleven walk-off hits, including six homers. In 2009 alone he had six walk-off hits, and he hit a walk-off grand slam this May against Milwaukee. This talent combined with the ability to come up big in the clutch is something the Dodgers need if they plan on winning the division and going far in the postseason.

Milwaukee: Corey Hart -- Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun are the meat and potatoes of the Brewers offense. Hart is the cook. He is the first Brewer to have two consecutive 20 home run, 20 steal seasons. He is a more complete player than Fielder and Braun, because of his ability to steal, hit for power (he currently leads the team in homers and runs batted in, and slugging percentage), contact (he is a lifetime .275 hitter), and be an above average fielder (8th among right fielders in range). Fielder and Braun have established themselves as good hitters. However, both are huge liabilities defensively, with a combined 79 errors in 9 seasons of work. That was ultimately the deciding factor.

Minnesota: Joe Mauer -- He is one of the best catchers baseball has seen in a long time. He can hit for contact ridiculously well, and puts up decent power numbers. The leadership he and Justin Morneau bring to the team is invaluable. For the front office, he is a Minnesota guy who just signed a long-term deal with the Twins, so he'll be around for a while.

New York (NL): The bullpen -- Remember the epic collapses that happened in Queens in '07 and '08? A large reason for those choke jobs were because the bullpen blew leads. Over those two years the pen allowed 4.52 runs per game and only converted 64% of save opportunities. This year Mets relievers are allowing only 3.95 runs per game and converting 70% of save chances. In a stunning correlation, the team is ten games over .500 and are nipping at the heels of Atlanta for first place. The bullpen cannot blow leads again.

New York (AL): Derek Jeter -- Alex Rodriguez is the most naturally gifted, but up until last year has been less than amazing in the postseason. Mark Teixeira is struggling mightily this season for a player of his caliber (.229 average, 13 homers, 48 runs batted in), yet the Yankees still have the best record in baseball. No one expected 10 wins from Phil Hughes, a .359 average from Robinson Cano and a career year from 38-year-old Andy Pettitte. The most irreplaceable, for now, is their captain. Jeter is second on the team in hits and total bases, and his leadership is undeniable. You have to have respect for Derek Jeter. The man knows how to win and come up big at the perfect moment. Even now, at 36, he is still one helluva ballplayer that Joe Girardi cannot afford to lose. Also, anyone who can bag Minka Kelly is okay in my book.

Oakland: Ryan Sweeney -- Is tied for the team lead in runs scored with 34, and is a very average hitter. But then again so is everyone on the Athletics. This is a team that is 25th in runs batted in, so they have to have good defense. Enter Sweeney, who has not made an error this season, and has committed only four in his five seasons. His defensive presence alone is key for this struggling team.

Philadelphia: Chase Utley -- Through 15 games Utley hit .339 and the Phils started 10-5. Then his average dipped to .275, and Philly went to 12-10. By May 15, he raised it back up to .315 and the team was at 22-13. Then his huge slump began, and on June 13 it was at .256. The Phillies were back around .500 and quickly falling in the NL East as their usually explosive offense went Arctic cold. The team goes as Utley goes. Howard strikes out too much to be that irreplaceable, plus Utley, Jayson Werth, and Raul Ibanez are all capable of having great power.

Pittsburgh: Andrew McCutchen -- Here's the Pirates' situation. Pitching: 29th in ERA, 27th in strikeouts, 22nd in saves, and 30th (dead last) in WHIP. Hitting: 29th in hits and batting average, 28th in home runs hit, and dead last in runs batted in. In short, the Pirates suck. But not their young, electric centerfielder, who is batting a respectable .299 with 48 runs scored. If he didn't play in Pittsburgh, he would be more well-known. He is one of few bright spots in what is quite possibly the worst run organization in all of sports.

San Diego: Adrian Gonzalez -- Following in the footsteps of Choo and Cabrera, Gonzalez leads the Padres in every major offensive category. He is the heart and soul of the offense that without him is nothing (He has 16 homers, no one else has more than 8. He has 50 RBI, 18 more than the next closest Padre). He's a top-10 fielder at first base. No close second here.

San Francisco: Tim Lincecum -- In a tight NL West, a great Linecum means the Giants are in first place. However, that hasn't been the case this year, and because of it the Giants are in third. He may have an 8-3 record, but his 1.25 WHIP is nothing to brag about. The 2-time Cy Young winner has been very solid, but San Fran needs more than that from him in order to win the division. When he's at his best, there are few who can compete with The Freak.

Seattle: Ichiro Suzuki -- The man had made the All-Star team and won a Gold Glove every year since he entered the majors in 2001. I thought the Mariners would be good. They are not. Ichiro, however, is his usual self, manning right field masterfully and hitting .333. For a team that has a worse offense than the Pirates, he is the only good hitter. And for a team that is pretty terrible in general, he is the only good player.

St. Louis: Albert Pujols -- This was the most obvious choice. In terms of being a five-tool player, perhaps only Willie Mays and Roberto Clemente will be better than The Machine when his career is over. Any bad pitch will be hit to the moon. Any mental mistake will turn into an extra base. Any ball hit to first will be gobbled up. He's a lifetime .333 hitter, and is well on his way to 600+, 700+, and maybe, just maybe, 763 home runs.

Tampa Bay: Evan Longoria -- Leads the team in hits, total bases, doubles, and RBIs, and is second in average. Has a Gold Glove at third base. He'll be an MVP candidate every year for the next decade. Why him over someone else? Carlos Pena has been dreadful this year, with a .201 average, yet the Rays got off to a fast start and are battling for first in the AL East. Ben Zobrist seemed like a surprise pick, considering his WAR (a confusing stat that stands for "Wins Above Replacement" and measures how many wins per season a player is worth compared to an average player) is one of the best in baseball. However, looking at how Longoria called out BJ Upton for not hustling after a fly ball put him over the top. That leadership is what the Rays need, and it's good that someone with Longoria's talent stepped up.

Texas: Colby Lewis -- Easily my most controversial pick, but hear me out. Everyone knows Texas can hit the crap out of the ball. They have every year for the past decade. But their downfall has always been their inability to have an ace pitcher. Lewis could step into that role. At 7-5, he is having a solid season, but his 1.05 WHIP is 4th in the American League. If he can keep this up and become the ace Texas has been looking for, it might be enough to push the Rangers into the playoffs for the first time since 1999.

Toronto: Vernon Wells -- This one was tough, because the Blue Jays get a fairly balanced effort. However, it has to be noted when Wells hits above .280 and has more than 20 homers (it happened in '02, '03, '06, '08, and now this year) the Jays have always finished with a winning record. When he has an off year (67 RBIs in '04, .269 average in '05, .245 in '07, .260 with 15 HRs last year), Toronto is not very good.

Washington: Stephen Strasburg -- Yes, he's only made five starts in his career. Yes, his offense has let him down, which is why he's 2-2 and not 3-1. But in terms of talent, managers and analysts are already calling the rookie phenom one of the best pitchers in the National League. In five starts he's struck out 48 batters, compared to only 7 walks, with an earned run average of 2.27. He's the real deal, and the only pitcher that I considered a no-brainer for this list. And in terms of PR, he's gold to the lowly Nationals. No one cares about the team, so no one goes to the games. But Strasburg is a different story. He is a revenue machine, as people scramble to get tickets and merchandise when #37 is involved. He will be the face of the franchise until his contract expires at the end of 2013, when he goes to the Red Sox or Yankees for a 6-year, $200 million deal.

Greetings From the Near Future

I want YOU to stop pledging your fake allegiances!

Hello there. I am writing this from the future. Not like The Jetsons or Futurama future. I'm writing from July 12, 2010. Yesterday was the final of the World Cup, once again ending sports' largest spectacle until 2014. I'm not here to tell you how amazing the final was, and I won't tell you who won (I don't want to spoil it for you all). I am here merely to forewarn you about the nationalistic feelings stirring about now. I know right now you are all still crushed by Team USA's 2-1 extra time loss to Ghana in the Round of 16 in the World Cup. But don't worry, by now you've moved on to the next big thing, and once again, like usual, no one in America gives a crap about soccer.

I know, right now this may seem unusual to you. After all, you probably already went out and bought your awesome, beauty-pageant looking Landon Donovan jersey after his goal in stoppage time to beat Algeria. And after four games, you might even be able to name more than five players on the roster (well, let's see... Donovan... Jozy Altidore... Tim Howard... Clint Dempsey... Bob Bradley. Or is that the coach? Wait, no, that's Bruce Arenas. Ah, got it. Bob Bradley is the coach, and Shawn Bradley is the awesome seven-foot, six-inch mid-fielder who wins all the headers. That's right, isn't it?) By now you are a soccer buff. You bleed red, white, and blue. Those gentlemen left their hearts out there on the pitch, and for that you appreciate and respect them.

Oh how I laugh.

Sure, you enjoyed watching the games and rooting for your country, but it is by no means a life or death situation. We aren't in France, where FIFA threatened to ban Les Bleus from international competition if the French government intervenes in the mutiny debacle that broke out in the Group Stage. We aren't England, where riots break out during games on a somewhat consistent basis. And we are not Brazil, the only country in the world where every match in every tournament and friendly every year is expected to be a win. Not a draw, and certainly not a loss. A win.

This is no different than hockey and the Olympics. For a couple days we got hockey craze because the US beat Canada, then everyone watched the gold medal game, again versus our friendly neighbors to the north. When Sidney Crosby scored the game-winner in overtime for Canada, Americans were crushed. People actually cared about hockey. Then three days later hockey highlights were back to their usual place, squeezed into the last five minutes of SportsCenter. The World Cup is no different. No one will care about the international friendlies starting in October, or the qualifying for the 2014 World Cup in Brazil, or any other tournament the US will participate in.

Sorry if I'm being Mr. Negativity here, but it's the truth. Here's my theory on the situation: The US needs to prove it's strength in everything. It has to be the best. USA soccer historically has been dreadful. Now that the team is halfway decent when it plays to full potential (i.e. not giving up goals within the first five minutes of a game), Americans jump on the bandwagon not because they care about soccer. If they did, every match would be a big deal, no matter how insignificant it is. They board it because it is yet another opportunity to flex the United States' muscles to the world to prove that, yes, America freaking rocks. Can we please stop hearing about how soccer is on the verge of being as big as football, baseball, and basketball in this country? Face it. It's not happening. Other countries have the same problem. People in Europe like American football. But it will never, ever, come close to being as big as soccer. But unlike in the US, they don't have a bunch of phonies who pretend once every couple of years they looooove football, only to go on dismissing it when games end. They are too busy chanting "Ole, ole, ole, ole" at English Premier League matches to do so.

There are a ton of headlines here on this July 12th. LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and the other superstar NBA free agents have signed contracts with new teams (or have they???). The 139th Open Championship will be played at St. Andrew's, a course topped in history and beauty by perhaps only Augusta National. Tiger Woods won the last two times it was played at St. Andrews, so of course that's all ESPN is talking about. Baseball has its typical coverage, seeing as no other pro sports are in season. But no one is talking about USA soccer. No one cares anymore. There is a new World Cup champion. Woo-hoo. I love the idea that the country comes together as one for the World Cup. It's a pretty mutual bond between Americans. But get over it, people. You don't care about soccer. Please stop acting like you are die-hard fans. You aren't.

Bzzzzing Excuses

Bzzzzz......

Thus far the World Cup has been pretty entertaining all around. But that doesn't mean it is free from my wrath of issues. Soccer may be the world's game, but I'm sorry. The world's game is full of whiny babies. I'm upset that no one in the media has formally called out the players for their seemingly endless bag of excuses as to why they can't score or play poorly.

Shut up.

We'll start with the ball. Much balley-hooed even before the tournament started, the Adidas Jabulani soccer ball has been criticized by coaches and players alike. The players cannot grip the ball. It is too light so shots sail above the goal easily. The ball travels too quickly, so even touch passes are hard to handle. Goals are nearly impossible to score. Yet, in what is undoubtedly the most ironic thing since the indestructible Titanic sank on its maiden voyage, the goalies -- and everyone in England -- complain that goals are scored too easily (see: Green, Robert) because of the speed of shots. How it's possible that goals are too hard to come by and scored too easily at the same time is beyond me.

Bzzzzzzzzz...

Admittedly, the players' arguments appear to be legitimate. Through 13 games there have been six ties, all of which were either scoreless or 1-1, and six games have seen one or no goals. At this rate it will be the lowest scoring World Cup ever. However, isn't this argument a bit of a scapegoat for the players? These players are the best in the world, and I don't think it is outside their expertise to adjust to a ball. To complain that they can't score because of the ball is like a baseball player complaining they can't field due to bad bounces. I played 4 years of high school baseball with a 6-inch lip and rocks at 3rd base, and I couldn't say anything if the ball took a bad hop. Do away with the excuses, shut up, and deal with it. Watching the Argentina-Nigeria game, I can explain exactly why the score was only 1-0, and the Jabulani had nothing to do with it. The reason "La Albiceleste" (White and Sky Blue) only scored once was because Nigerian keeper Vincent Enyeama played out of his mind and made at least three sick saves. Lionel Messi alone was robbed of at least two scoring opportunities. Nigeria, meanwhile only put one shot on net in eleven tries. And all ten missed by at least 15-feet. You cannot and will not convince me that the ball made a 15-foot difference in the shot's flight path. But that's okay. These players are fragile. Of course it is not their faults they can't find ways to score. So let's blame the ball.

Bzzzzzz...

But it's not just the balls that are causing issues for the players. It's those damn vuvuzelas. In case you haven't heard -- and judging by the amount of noise the vuvuzelas cause, you probably physically can't hear -- vuvuzelas are the talk of the tournament thus far. It is a plastic blowhorn commonly blown during soccer matches by South Africans. But the problem is that the fans are blowing them before the game. And during the national anthems. And during the games. And during time-outs. And after the game. Incessantly all anyone ever hears is the "Bzzzzzz" of the vuvuzela. Reportedly they peak at 127 decibels. A sound becomes harmful to human ears at 125 decibels. The noise that sounds like a swarm of angry bees is so loud that ESPN had to actually mix the sound so the noise won't drown out the announcers and the action on the field. The reaction around the soccer world is a bit extreme.

Players hate the things. The French actually went as far as to say the reason Les Bleus tied Uruguay nil-nil last Friday was because they couldn't hear each other, and therefore could not execute. Again with the excuses. Every team has had to deal with the noise, so to say only one team's performance is being affected is ludicrous. Fans say they miss the chants and songs so popularly performed during games. I hope they realize this is very much a European tradition, and the World Cup is in South Africa, which last time I checked was 5000 miles away from Europe. And the spoiled, precious Americans don't like the noise from their television sets. (At least the South Africans are wildly passionate about a sport, instead of spending $40 to sit there and check your BlackBerry every fifteen seconds. I went to a Red Sox game a few weeks ago and this woman was there with her boyfriend. Over the course of the game she went on FaceBook at least ten times and at one point sent a picture of her lapdog to everyone in her contact list. Good use of Sox tickets. Not to mention we American fans vomit on cops' 9-year-old daughters and get tasered). Wisely, FIFA has said they will not ban the plastic noisemakers because it is a part of South African culture. I completely agree with their decision. Taking away the vuvuzelas, which represent the hollowed out animal horns used by African tribes to communicate with one another, is taking away a part of the African culture. The only outrage with them is that they cost $1 to make, and are sold for $10-12. See America, you have contributed to the World Cup. , Your greedy ways have leaked into Africa. Let the South Africans have their contribution, the vuvuzela.

I've always believed that soccer players were the softest athletes there are. After all, if they get touched they act like they've been shot. Sometimes they don't even have to have been hit to flop. This year's World Cup is only enhancing this belief, because it seems it is everyone and everything else's fault for the lack of scoring and, at times, poor play. Don't get me wrong, this is going to remain a very exciting month for sports. I just wish they would shut up and play the game. Even over the Bzzzzzzzz-ing.

A Whole New World

I hope you aren't too enamored with the last decade, because it's all about to change. First off, it was announced that filming for The Hangover 2 will start in October, joining Anchorman 2 and Zoolander 2 to the list of comedies that shouldn't get sequels, but are nonetheless. I will most certainly watch all three, but will probably not find any of them funny, considering prior comedic sequels have bombed miserably (notably Major League 2, Major League: Back to the Minors, Caddyshack 2, Slap Shot 2, Dumb and Dumberer, and anything National Lampoon has done in the last fifteen years). But secondly -- and much, much more problematic -- is how we've seen the end of college football as we know it. In a span of three days the nation's second-strongest conference has begun its seemingly inevitable demise, two others are ready to start super-conferences, and the most dominant team of the last decade has been erased from the record books, with a long and dark future ahead of them. At this rate, it's not a matter how much the landscape of the sport will change. It is quite clear the change will be drastic and of massive proportions. The question to eventually look at will be: who is the new power in football?

We'll start with the downfall of the Big 12. Remember two years ago, when Oklahoma played for the national title, while Texas and Texas Tech were right at their heels, vying for a shot at a championship? Oh, how money makes those memories fade away. Because now, the Big 12 is becoming an auction, and everyone in the neighborhood is placing a bid for the items. For weeks there was speculation as to what teams would go where. The Pac-10 was rumored to be reaching out to Texas, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Texas Tech, and Texas A&M, with Colorado and Baylor vying for the sixth invitation. The Big Ten, with an abundance of teams from the Big 12, ACC, Big East, and Notre Dame to consider, was leaning towards inviting Nebraska and Missouri, who were given an ultimatum by Big 12 commissioner Dan Beebe with a Friday deadline. Wednesday night there were rumors flying that Nebraska was going to depart for the Big Ten, but nothing "official" has been stated by the university. But at this rate it would be far more shocking if the Huskers didn't leave the conference. Then on Thursday morning Colorado became the first team to officially show their hand, announcing they were leaving for the Pac-10. So there's two teams gone. One anonymous coach in the conference said that Nebraska was the key, and if they left, the Big 12 would crumble. That same coach also believes the five previously mentioned teams will join Colorado in their venture west to the Pac-10. Seven teams: good as gone.

Assuming Missouri leaves for the Big Ten with Nebraska, that leaves Baylor, Iowa State, Kansas, and Kansas State. Those four schools have good football traditions, with a combined 436 seasons, but a very noticeable number of national championships: zero. The other eight schools? A combined 907 years of football, and eighteen national titles, including sixteen between Oklahoma (7), Nebraska (5), and Texas (4). Even if the Big 12 were to raid a mid-major conference like the Sun Belt, MAC, or Conference USA, much like the Big East did with Conference USA in 2005, it would not be enough to keep the conference alive. There would be no star power, no team good enough next year to pull off a BCS win like West Virginia did in '05, probably saving the Big East from going defunct (for now...). This would essentially become a big name mid-major, one certainly not worthy of an automatic BCS bid. Michael Crabtree's magical last-second scamper to beat Texas seems like light years ago, eh?

To sum it up in short, when all is said is done, the Big 12 will be left in shambles. But for the Big Ten and Pac-10, it means the beginnings of a long reign of terror on the rest of the country. It will be college football's version of Sparta vs. Athens, imperial Spain vs. imperial England, or the Americans vs. the Soviets. Two super-powers competing for power each and every year. It will be old versus new. The Big Ten will have four of the most historic teams in history, with Ohio State, Michigan, Penn State, and Nebraska. The Pac-10, meanwhile, would have the more recent kings in Texas, Oklahoma, and, until they are set back a decade by the NCAA, Southern Cal (more on that in a bit). Add in the ridiculous SEC, by far the best conference in football right now, and this 3-way battle will leave the ACC, Big East, and every other conference trailing in the dust. Imagine that annual BCS predicament. Who do you leave out of the BCS title game? Whoever survives long enough to win a conference title in any of those three leagues will most certainly deserve a shot at the AFCA National Championship Trophy (worst name for a trophy ever, perhaps only seconded by the Larry O'Brien Trophy). If you think the controversy now is bad, just think of the potential firestorm that could -- and probably will -- come from expansion.

Each year for the foreseeable future you can imagine who will be competing for the conference title in the new Pac-10. Texas. Oklahoma. Oregon if they can get over the loss of quarterback Jeremiah Masoli. But there is one very obvious absence. USC. Thursday the Trojans were given a two-year postseason ban for recruiting violations going back to Reggie Bush and, for basketball, OJ Mayo. There are three key components to this:

• For the Pac-10, this expansion is absolutely brilliant timing. To lose its premiere program to a scandal such as this would have been devastating. But to add the likes of Mack Brown and the Longhorns and Bob Stoops' Sooners would smoothly pave over any damage that will come from SoCal.
  It would be the ultimate way to move on from what otherwise would be a dark period for a mediocre conference.
• For USC, this is devastating. Lane Kiffin is enough of an idiot as is. He doesn't need another reason for recruits to not go to his school. Now that other top-tiered programs could be joining their conference, expect many 5-star recruits to avoid the Trojans at all costs, because what player doesn't want a chance to go to a bowl game? It will take a long time for the school to regain a good reputation and get enough top-flight recruits if it wants to return to its former glory.
• For history, vacated wins and a national championship will mean one of the greatest teams ever assembled will be erased from the record books in the 2004 Trojans. The 12-win team that lost to Texas in the epic 2006 Rose Bowl could also have their wins vacated, unless a last-ditch appeal somehow works. Congratulations, Vince Young. You're famous 9-yard scramble with 19 seconds left now happened against no one. Not impressed. And those 467 yards of total offense (200 rushing, 267 passing)? It's almost as if the USC defense wasn't even on the field. And in the minds of the NCAA, they weren't. Again, even I could do that. Of course I'm being facetious. It is arguably the single-greatest performance in history. He left his heart on the field. Who knew he would get a title either way? And Reggie Bush, one of the most electrifying players on the college level ever, could lose his 2005 Heisman Trophy. Again, history is unfortunately erased, and it could get to the point where the top officials in the NCAA will pretend this never happened.

The greatest team of the past decade, coming off a very bad season comparatively speaking as it is, could very easily get lost in the mix of average teams for a very long time. Think of it as Miami from 2005-now. Only switch "loads of criminals, having crappy coaching, then hiring a good coach" to "loads of greedy teenagers, having a good coach, then downgrading to Lane Kiffin, who has a category all to himself".

The last decade saw USC dominance, Big 12 shootouts, and SEC dogfights. The SEC dogfights will remain the same, as they have for sixty years. But as for those Trojan titles and the Big 12 offensive fire-shows, they will most likely disappear, lost amidst the expansion craze and scandal repercussions. In the span of a week one of the superior conferences will be left in ruins, two others will reign supreme, and one of football's great powers will go from a roaring, vicious lion, to a docile housecat, owned by the NCAA, an incredibly strict and greedy cat-lady that no one wants to deal with.

Welcome to the future. Hope you enjoy...

Beyond Basketball

ESPN college basketball analyst Jay Bilas summed it up perfectly. "There has not been a finer gentleman in sports than John Wooden." At 99, the death of Coach Wooden is by no means unexpected, but that still does not take away from the magnificent loss the sports world faces from here on in. On the court, he is the greatest teacher to ever grace the sidelines. More importantly, however, the man off the court is what every human being should strive to be. He's the gold standard in every sense possible. Here was a man who as close to perfection as there has ever been (though he'd be the first to tell you every mistake he's made in the last ten centuries). He last coached basketball in 1975, but his impact on sports and society will continue to resonate for a long time. For the lessons he taught about life transcend time.

From a basketball standpoint, there is no one better. The Sporting News named him the greatest coach of all-time, and with good reason. After all, he won 10 NCAA titles, including 7 straight from '67-'73 and 10 in a 12- year span, had 4 perfect seasons, an 88-game win streak, and 664 wins. He mentored two of the greatest college basketball players ever in Lew Alcindor (aka Kareem Abdul -Jabaar) and Bill Walton. He never swore, but that doesn't mean he wasn't fiesty. In an HBO interview I watched a few years ago about the UCLA dynasty, the interviewer said "Goodness gracious, sake's alive", Wooden's version of a profanity-laden tirade, to a bunch of his former players. Every one of them cringed. Forty years, and he could still have that same effect on his players, some who went on to basketball greatness. Syracuse coach Jim Boeheim said, "When I think of a basketball coach the only one I ever thought of was Coach Wooden." But what made Wooden so great was that he was so much more than a coach. He was a teacher, pure and simple. Unlike every other coach, he understood that basketball was a game, and when graduation time came, the character of the person who left his program was a heck of a lot more important than basketball player that left. There was no such thing as a star player, because without the other eleven guys, there is no success. When asked why he didn't retire numbers, specifically that of Alcindor, his response was, "What about the youngster who wore that number before Lewis? Didn't he contribute to the team?" No one was more important than his teammates. His "Pyramid of Success" was created to show how to succeed on the court and in life. And while 'competitive greatness' is at the top of the pyramid, the traits on the very bottom are the most important ones: enthusiasm, cooperation, loyalty, friendship, and industriousness. The message is simple -- Athletic achievement is not possible without the basic core values that all people should have. It's great to win, but to win without humility and class is horrible. He is still ashamed that he let Alcindor score 60 points in a game. Winning was important at Pauly Pavilion, but it wasn't the only thing, because Wooden would take great people over great basketball players every time. It was his job to make those two people one in the same, and no one was better at it.

Even after the Wooden Era at UCLA, his role as teacher never went away. Everyone who interacted with him, even for thirty seconds, was changed for the better. Rick Reilly wrote, "The awful thing about knowing John Wooden was that when you left him, you realized how weak you were as a man." Here is a man who never drank, smoked, or swore. He would attend Bruin games up until this year, but basketball was such a minute part of his life. He knew thousands of poems, read anything and everything, and was a devout Christian. Have a conversation with him, and basketball will rarely come up. Hall of Fame coach Lute Olsen asked Coach Wooden to talk to his team before his Arizona Wildcats played UCLA, and according to Olsen, he "spoke for 20 or 30 minutes. He never said a word about basketball, just talked about his philosophy of life and being the best that you could be."

What impressed me most about Coach Wooden was his eternal love for his wife, Nell. His high school sweetheart, the two were married for 52 years before she died of cancer in 1985. But his love for her didn't die with her. He stopped the clocks in his room to read the exact time she died.No one has been under the covers of their bed, not even Wooden himself, let alone lied down on her side of the bed. And what I have a soft spot for, on the 21st of each month he would visit her grave and write her a letter, telling her how much he loved and missed her. Absolutely no one read the letters. They were his private messages to his sweet Nellie. He would place each letter on her pillow, where it remained, joining letters before and after it. To him, death was not something to fear. It was a chance to be reunited with his wife, a reunion over 25 years in the making. When UCLA wanted to name the court at Pauly Pavilion after him in 2003, Wooden said no because Nell's name was not originally going to be included. Then when the school proposed to name it "John and Nell Wooden Court", again he said no. Nell's name goes first. So now when teams go to play the Bruins, they play on "Nell and John Wooden Court". In a society where half of all marriages end in divorce, it's refreshing to see such unconditional love, eighty years after "I do".

There is no one who doesn't like John Wooden, and I would offer you a million dollars to find someone who is too good for his wealth of knowledge. There is no one who can't learn something from Coach Wooden, and everyone who had the privilege of knowing him can most certainly walked away a better person. There are countless quotes I could end this with, but for someone who lived his life so genuinely and with such humility, it seems more fitting to end it with his Seven-Point Creed:

• Be true to yourself.
• Make each day your masterpiece.
• Help others.
• Drink deeply from good books, especially the Bible.
• Make friendship a fine art.
• Build a shelter against a rainy day.
• Pray for guidance and give thanks for your blessings every day.

It wasn't just UCLA, or just college basketball, or even basketball in general that lost a legend. The world lost a legend, and the world should be in mourning. One of its great men is gone. For someone who disliked the spotlight and all the accolades, there's nothing he would like less than to hear people were grieving over his death. Sorry, Coach. You're too important to not grieve.

Showtime to Show Up

It's not exactly Russell vs. Chamberlain, and certainly not Magic vs. Bird. But for the twelfth time -- and second time in the past three seasons -- the Celtics and Lakers will meet in the NBA Finals. When comparing both teams to the 2008 versions, the major players are the same, but the attitudes have changed. The Lakers are the defending champions with one of the best player in the world in Kobe Bryant and Boston is an older, slower team at the tail end of the all-too-brief "Big Three" era. And because of this, I don't expect the same outcome that '08 brought us (Celtics in 6). No, I am picking Los Angeles to run away with the series in five games, and hang up banner number fifteen next season at the Staples Center.

Now, I may be picking LA to win the series, but the outcome will be in the hands of the C's. I really, really wanted to put Rasheed Wallace as the key to the series merely for my own amusement. I mean c'mon! The man threatened Tim Donaghy back in 2003. Just think about that for a second: Rasheed Wallace, the goon of all goons, almost could have saved the league years of embarrassment had he acted upon these threats. Lucky for Donaghy that Wallace is so lazy he makes Tim Thomas look like Charlie Hustle both on and off the court. So, no, Sheed isn't the X-factor to this series. Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, and superstar-in-the-making Rajon Rondo are, however, and ultimately their performance will decide how the series plays out. Bryant is an 8-time All-Defensive First Teamer, and it is likely that Phil Jackson will let him decide who he guards. He has the ability to guard any of those three players. Unfortunately for the Zen Master, he can only guard one person at a time. This is where things could potentially become problematic for LA. Rondo is no longer the semi-underachieving, second-tiered player. This is his team now, and he is the 2nd or 3rd best point guard in the league. He's been on a tear this postseason, and I expect him to continue that this series. If he doesn't, the Celtics stand no chance. Just look at the Magic series. In Game 4, Pierce and Allen combined for 54 points, while Rondo chipped in only 9 of his own. Orlando won by four in overtime. In Game 3, however, Pierce had 28, Rondo had 25, and Allen had just 4 points on 1-for-9 shooting. The end result was a three-point Boston win. Rondo needs to bring his best, because it gives the Celts their best shot at victory. Meanwhile Pierce and Allen have to step up. They may not be the stars on most nights anymore, but their performance and winning go hand-in-hand. Here are the three possible scenarios I've narrowed it down to for Boston:

• Rondo plays well, as do Pierce and/or Allen. Kobe can only guard one of them, which leaves the question of: Do you give Walter Ray wide-open threes, leave Pierce room to create shots, or have Rondo drive to the hoop to dish it off or put up that masterful up-and-under scoop shot? It's a pick-your-poison scenario, and it gives the Celtics their best shot at winning.
• Rondo doesn't play well, but Pierce and/or Allen do, or vice versa. Either way the Celtics can't overcome the one-dimensional offense, and Kobe will be too much to handle.
• None of the three play well, and the Lakers pile-drive Boston into the ground.

3 games ago, I would have chosen the former. But after seeing the re-emergence of the old, slow Celtics team that played for most of the season in Games 4 and 5 of the Magic series, now the middle or last choice seems more logical. Because of the nursing-home appearance, I'm not too optimistic on Boston's chances. (Notice the absence of Kevin Garnett here. I think KG will not do too much offensively).

A big reason for my pessimism is because the Lakers have Kobe, who can single-handedly shut down one of the three offensively. That would mean that Doc Rivers might actually have to coach (Gasp!). And let's be serious: is there a sane Celtics fan that wants a game, and potentially the series, to come down to a Glenn Anton Rivers coaching decision? Kobe's defensive prowess could be the factor. But of course, #24 hasn't always been a team-first player (which is why he will take 30 shots a game on random nights to show off his greatness, even though Pau Gasol has a clear mismatch in the post), and he knows the personal rewards that could come from winning this series. Over the course of his career he has gone from the "Can't-win-without-Shaq" level, graduated last year to the "Don't-doubt-my-greatness" phase, and with another title could see the beginning stages of a "Kobe vs. Jordan" comparison. Personally, I don't think anyone now, and quite possibly ever, will deserve to be considered in the same breath as His Airness, because no one had his combination of skill, competitive drive, and leadership, period. But with a fifth ring, and second in the post-Shaq era, Bryant would have to seriously be considered one of the ten or fifteen greatest players of all-time. And Kobe knows this, too. His ego is big enough that he can put the entire team on his back and win merely for the sake of his own legacy, even if Gasol or Lamar Odom struggle. With 1200 regular season and playoff games under his belt, with nagging back, ankle, and finger injuries to boot, Kobe knows there won't be five or six more tries for rings. This probably won't be his last trip to the Finals, but the opportunities are becoming fewer, and for someone who wants to go down as one of the greatest ever to lace up the sneakers, he will want, he will need, another title. Anyone who has seen his performance this postseason, especially in the Suns series, knows he is playing with a chip on his shoulder. Offensively he is as good as ever. And say what you want about Boston's stingy defense, but look objectively at their playoff opponents thus far. They shut down Miami as a team, but Dwyane Wade averaged 32 points per game. Quite frankly, the rest of the Heat suck, and if the Celtics gave up a lot of points to the rest of the team, it would be bad. Then in Round 2 they took on another one-man show in LeBron James and the Cavs. The Magic have Dwight Howard, who is no offensive force by any stretch of the imagination, and no one else decided to give a damn on offense for Orlando. Kobe is as good as Flash and LBJ, and unlike them he has a supporting cast. The Boston defense is good, but is it good enough to stop Kobe and Gasol and Odom and maybe Derek Fisher? They could be. But they could also finally have met their match.

Expect another classic battle between the NBA's fiercest rivals. But for those who have enjoyed the Celtics' success against the Lakers (9-2 series lead all-time), they might be a little disappointed in a few weeks, as it will be Los Angeles who should come out on top this time and repeat as champions. The Black Mamba simply won't have it any other way.