Thrilling, Exciting, Amazing, Captivating: The Stanley Cup Playoffs

It's been a rough couple of months for me in sports. The Yankees won the World Series, and to add to it, Alex Rodriguez finally produced in October (hey, it had to happen eventually). Then I had to witness the atrocity that was the season of the formerly-defending Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers, who lost to the likes of Kansas City, Oakland, and Cleveland in midst of a 5-game losing streak. At least the Super Bowl was good right? I mean I have nothing against the Colts or the Saints, so the NFL season wasn't totally awful. Then March 5 came along, when Ben Roethlisberger had a biiiiiit too much to drink, yada, yada, yada, countless weeks of hearing about it later, he's missing the first 4-6 games of this season. Football happiness = shot. So March Madness comes along, and I feel really good with my bracket. Two hours into the first day and already one of my Final Four teams loses. And in the end freaking Duke wins the championship.

Could it get much worse?

When the New York Rangers were eliminated on the last day of the regular season in a shootout, I thought it could. After all, I had no real reason to watch the Stanley Cup playoffs. But au contraire my friends! I may have no reason to watch the NHL postseason, but it sure is a good thing I am, because what is happening is only reaffirming my belief that the absolute best postseason in sports far and away belongs to the National Hockey League. If you are ignoring what's happening on the ice right now, well I say shame on you.

Think of the absolutely best playoffs you can remember in the MLB or NBA. In a best-of-7 series, did every series except one go at least 6 games? Were both #1 seeds in danger of losing to 8-seeds? Were there 12 overtime games in the 1st round alone? How about 21 games decided by one goal? Because that is what has happened so far. And that does not include the 2 game 7s not played as of 7 pm Tuesday night (Detroit-Phoenix and Washington-Montreal). And this happens pretty much every single year.

Look at any series and you will see pure insanity. Start with the Capitals and Canadiens. Washington was the runaway winner of the Presidents' Trophy. They have the most prolific goal scorer in the league in Alexander Ovechkin, while Niklas Backstrom is one of the best hockey players you probably don't know about (because you know sooooo many hockey players already. I know. Don't lie.). So you would think it would be a fairly easy 4, maybe 5, game series against the Canadiens. 6 games later, the Caps are on the brink of elimination, and all of the pressure is on them. In Game 6 they outshot the Habs 54-24, yet lost 4-1, because they could not get the puck past Jaroslav Halak. It would be an enormous upset if Montreal wins Game 7.

In Boston, the Bruins finished off the Buffalo Sabres in six games. The highlight of that series was the double OT thriller in Game 4, by far the best hockey game of the season. The Sabres, 31-0 in the regular season when leading after 2 periods, blew a two-goal lead in the third as the B's forced the extra session. Boston youngster Tuukka Rask, who ousted Vezina Trophy winner Tim Thomas during the season, and Olympic hero Ryan Miller played insanely sick in goal, each saving the game multiple times for their teams. The last 40 minutes of the game (last 11 of the 3rd period, all 20 minutes of the first OT, then the 9 minutes in the second OT before Boston scored) were like a track meet. The speed the game was played at was unbelievable. It seemed a little upsetting that Boston's Miroslav Satan, a longtime Sabre mind you, scored on an easy backhand to win the game.

In the San Jose-Colorado series each of the first 4 games were decided by a goal, and Games 2, 3, and 4 went into overtime. And that was another 1 vs. 8 matchup. In the end the Sharks, the biggest playoff disappointment over the last half decade, finally got over the hump and won the series in six games.

I won't even bother going into detail with the other 4 series, which include the Blackhawks getting over their early scoring woes to beat Nashville, the seemingly struggling Flyers kicking the crap out of Marty Brodeur and the Devils (although Brodeur did do this. Disgusting), and the red hot Red Wings being cooled off by the back-from-the-grave Coyotes. You get the point. But did I mention that this all happened in the first round? Just imagine the possible scenarios in Round 2:

If Montreal shocks Washington, 6th seeded Boston will have home ice advantage versus the Flyers. Seeds 1-3 in the East will have been kicked to the curb after Round 1.

If Phoenix beats Detroit, that means 3 of the 4 teams remaining in the West have never raised Lord Stanley's Cup, and the 4th (Chicago) hasn't won it since 1961. The East isn't much better. The Penguins are the defending champions, but other than that, there has been no success. The Bruins haven't won a title since 1972, the Flyers since 1975, the Canadiens since 1993, and the Caps have never won one. To say these organizations are hungry for a Cup is as big an understatement as saying the Broncos were ill-informed to draft Tim Tebow in the first round.

It may seem that I'm a bit all over the place with this post, but there's just so much happening -- mainly lunacy and excitement -- that my mind is spinning in circles. The level of competition is incomprehensible. Compare that to the NBA playoffs. Yes, I am conceding the Los Angeles-Oklahoma City series. All of the intriguing storylines are there: Kobe-Durant, 1 vs. 8, Phil Jackson vs. the referees/league office, etc. And with the NBA's best young team going toe-to-toe with the defending champs, it has been a captivating series. But look at what else has been offered thus far. Every NBA analyst on ESPN said the Orlando-Charlotte series was the one to watch. The Magic swept the series with ease. The Bulls' Joakim Noah talks a big game, but his team is in a 3-1 hole against the Cavaliers, where LeBron James can put up a 40-12-10 with little to no effort. The Celtics are manhandling Dwayne Wade (I would put "the Heat" here, but it seems futile. When the other 4 guys in your lineup are journeyman Carlos Arroyo, former Clipper and Knick, I repeat, Clipper and Knick, Quentin Richardson, stoner ... er... I mean bust... er... I mean former #2 pick Michael Beasley, and 31-year-old Jermaine O'Neal, calling them a team is incorrect. Oh, and I'm a Heat fan by the way). The Spurs, the most boring team in a league that depends on flash and excitement, are beating the Mavs. Yawn. Give me the crappiest NHL playoff game over the best NBA playoff game everytime. With no hesitation.

Now that the NFL Draft is over and the anticipation of Major League Baseball's Opening Day is a month behind us, it's time for you to start paying attention to the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Why? Because there is nothing more exciting in sports, that's why. I've been watching already. I challenge you to start, too.

You Can't Fix Stupid

College football is wacky, wild, and unpredictable. Unfortunately, so is the NCAA. In fact, the NCAA might be among the dumbest organizations in sports. Remember, this is the same group that brought you the BCS a dozen years ago, and look at how well that's worked out! But because there isn't enough stupidity already, they had to go and add to it by making rule changes that included taking back touchdowns for taunting. So for all those who love to high-step into the endzone in the Madden or NCAA Football video game series, you probably won't like this. This is not referring to endzone celebrations. That will remain a dead-ball foul, a penalty assessed on the following kick-off. No, this is a spot foul. Starting in 2011, if a player taunts his opponent before the goal line, a flag will be thrown, the TD is taken away, and it is 15-yards from the spot of the foul. Are you kidding me? These players make the NCAA and the schools millions upon millions of dollars each year, and never see a penny of it. They are 18 to 22 year old kids. Let them have some fun! What's the harm in it? Are they making the game look bad? It's not like it happens every game to the point where it is out of control.

This got me thinking. Where else in sports are there rules and regulations that drive me crazy? I found 8:

The NBA timeout rule: In the last 2 minutes of the 4th quarter and overtime, when a team calls a timeout they can either 1) inbound the ball from the dead-ball spot or 2) inbound the ball from the 28' mark in the frontcourt. So basically if a team gives up a basket with a second to go, no magical Grant Hill to Christian Laettner prayers will be needed. Simply call a timeout, get the ball outside the 3-point arc, and get a good look. The fact that it takes 25 minutes to play out the last 70 seconds aside, I hate that there is seemingly no punishment for playing crappy defense. If a defensive stand goes for naught, the Kobes, LeBrons, or D-Wades of the league still have a legitimate shot to win. If a team can muster a basket in a key situation, make their opponent go all 94-feet please.

Shootouts: They say a tie is like kissing your sister. Not having a sister myself, I have never experienced such a thing (and for those of you who do, I hope you haven't either... that would be quite creepy). However, in a case of the NHL's shootouts, I would take a tie over the current format. With ties, both teams would receive 1 point. With shootouts, the winners get 2 points and the losers 1. I would like it better if the losers received no points. Maybe that would change my mind a little. But probably not. All I can say is thank goodness they don't do it in the playoffs. Ruining the best postseason in sports would be more than I could take.

Women's Hockey: That's right, an entire sport is one big, idiotic rule. No hitting is allowed. No hitting in hockey? I texted my buddy Zack, who hates hockey with pretty much all his heart, and when I asked him why he would watch, he merely said, "Fights". The physicality is why most people watch hockey. While I am a fan for other reasons, like how awesome it is, the vast majority in America want violence. Taking away hitting would be like taking away bumping in NASCAR or collisions at the plate in baseball -- they happen.

NFL Pre-Season Games: The stars won't play more than a series or two, yet season-ticket holders are forced to go. Basically people are paying half of their salary to watch perennial backups like Kevin O'Connell, Dan Orlovsky, and, in 4 years, Tim Tebow. Call me crazy, but people don't care about them. (What's that? I actually love Dan Orlovsky and would pay good money to see him play? Whoops.) The only reason there are 4 games is because of the revenue that comes in from them. Because the billions they get already isn't enough. Change it to 2 games and get over it.

All-Star Games: I love the idea of having the best players from each sport play in the same game, but the execution in every league is pathetic. In the MLB it decides who gets home-field advantage in the World Series. How about you alternate it each year? Or have the team with the better record have it? The NFL is doubly bad. If it is the week after the Super Bowl, no one cares. If it is the week before the Super Bowl, players from the participating teams won't play, and, still, no one cares. That includes players. This past Pro Bowl Vince Young was the AFC quarterback because Phillip Rivers, Tom Brady, Matt Schaub, and Ben Roethlisberger didn't want to play and Peyton Manning was in the Super Bowl. At this rate JaMarcus Russell will become a perennial Pro Bowler. In the NBA no one tries, but at least there all of the stars play. The NHL doesn't even have an All-Star Game in Olympic years, but when it is played, it gets worse ratings than reruns of According to Jim and, so help me God, Everybody Loves Raymond. WOO!

BCS: No explanation necessary.

The Brady Rule: There is hitting in football. As a result, injuries occur. But because Bernard Pollard hit the golden boy Tom Brady and tore his ACL to open the 2008-09 season, the NFL instituted a rule where quarterbacks cannot be hit below the knee. As sad as it is that stars have this kind of power in the NFL, it's more upsetting that it has essentially become two-hand touch when it comes to QBs. You are asking defensive lineman to find ways to get around 350-lb monsters, locate the quarterback, read his eyes, but slow down to make sure he isn't hit below the knee. All lineman have to do is get their defenders to the ground. Reggie White probably vomited in his grave. Steelers' safety Troy Polamalu was right, the NFL is becoming soft.

The NBA age limit: There is no point in making an 18-year-old go to college for a year before he enters the NBA Draft. None. Be serious here. The kid doesn't care about classes. He misses class during the season, and once the season ends, there is no point in him showing up. The school isn't going to make him do the work during the season because that's the world of college basketball today. He isn't there for the education, and everyone knows it. The schools get horrid graduation rates and are wasting money. The NBA loses potential superstars for a year, and we all know money is the only thing that matters to the league. Either let the kids enter the Association right out of high school or make them attend college for at least 3 years. Don't be in-between, because no one benefits from it. It isn't helping the kid, it isn't helping the schools, it isn't helping the NBA.

None of these are the athletes faults. There is really not much they can do about it. People are stubborn. Stupid people are even more stubborn. It's why you simply can't fix stupid. But I can complain about it, that's for sure.

Innocent, But Not Free

I'm a Steelers fan. The thought of Dennis Dixon or, even worse (cue spine shivering), Charlie Batch starting the first few weeks of the season is enough to take 5 years off my life. After an incredibly disappointing 2009, nothing could be worse for Pittsburgh than starting the 2010 campaign without their franchise quarterback in Ben Roethlisberger. But after seeing how Ocmulgee Circuit District Attorney Fred Bright described the sexual assault case surrounding Roethlisberger, it should not matter to commissioner Roger Goodell that no charges will be filed. He has to suspend Roethlisberger, even if it is for one game.

I don't really care that no charges were filed in this case. Here is ESPN.com's summary of the report filed:

Roethlisberger, who was out drinking with friends to celebrate his 28th birthday, bumped into the student and her sorority sisters throughout the night. They linked up at Capital City, where he invited them to a VIP section and bought them a round of shots. As the night wore on, the student walked down a dingy hallway to a small bathroom, and Roethlisberger soon followed. What happened next remained unclear even after a monthlong investigation.

There was not enough evidence to go anywhere with the claims, but it is obvious something happened in that bathroom. Just because there was nothing to accurately prove rape beyond a reasonable doubt does not mean Big Ben is exonerated. Far from it. In listening to Monday's press conference, I could not help but notice how the DA kept calling the 20-year-old girl "the victim". A victim is defined as "one who is harmed or killed by another." There were no other suspects in the case. There never were and never will be any others. That means the "victim", who ended up with a cut and some bruises, could have been harmed by one person and one person only: Roethlisberger. What happened in that bathroom on March 5th will probably never be known. But while his innocence might have been proven by the justice system, to the public it is still very much up in the air.

The most powerful quote I heard in the 10-minutes I was able to see before baseball practice was when Bright said, "We do not prosecute morals. We prosecute crime." The police may not have been able to prosecute the crime, but Roger Goodell can surely prosecute the morals. The NFL Player Conduct Policy Goodell put into place in 2007 states:

It is not enough to simply avoid being found guilty of a crime. Instead, as an employee of the NFL or a member club, you are held to a higher standard and expected to conduct yourself in a way that is responsible, promotes the values upon which the league is based, and is lawful. Persons who fail to live up to this standard of conduct are guilty of conduct detrimental and subject to discipline, even where the conduct itself does not result in conviction of a crime.

There was no conviction, not even a trial, but I have a gut feeling the NFL was does not promote, nor was it based upon, accusations of rape and, at the very least, drunken sex (Of note, however, are the efforts of the Cowboys, who tried really hard in the '90s to change that). But if I'm wrong on that one, let me know. Goodell has to take action. He has no choice. The entire league is watching and expecting him to. On Tuesday's Mike and Mike in the Morning Chris Mortenson said Goodell was upset at the idea he punishes his black players worse than his white players. Yeah, in a league where at least 75% of players are African-American, it may seem that way, because there are more black players arrested than whites. Don't get me wrong: if the league were 75% white, there would undoubtedly be more white players arrested. In 2006 alone, 37 different NFL players were arrested. 33 of those 37 were African-American. While it may appear Goodell is racially biased, the fact is in a league dominated by blacks, more blacks will get arrested. But none of those statistics matter. Perception is everything, and the perception right now is that he coddles white players. Now is his chance to set a standard for all his players, no matter what color skin they have. Roethlisberger made the league look bad. He deserves to be punished. If he is not suspended, that "perception" may very well become reality.

So how long should Roethlisberger be suspended for? That is an interesting question. Anything more than 4 games is a tad much. Tank Johnson was given an 8-game suspension in 2007 for violating his probation when 6 unregistered handguns were found in his apartment, then getting in a fight outside a Chicago nightclub that left his bodyguard dead, then serving a 2-month prison sentence. 8-games for Ben would be too extreme. I think this should be handled the way Brandon Marshall was in 2008. Marshall received a 3-game suspension for domestic violence and DUI arrests. The suspension was later reduced to 1 game and a fine of 2 game-checks because he stayed out of trouble. The fact that Roethlisberger gave the league awful PR, yet no charges were made, both have to go into consideration. 2-3 games seems fair enough.

This should be a signal to all NFL players that even if no charges are filed, it does not mean you are free from the wrath of the commish. Professional athletes are role models, and everything they do is seen and scrutinized. Being held to a higher standard is a part of the responsibility that comes with the job. For Ben Roethlisberger, standing on the sidelines for the first few weeks of the season should remind him of that. And as a die-hard Pittsburgh fan, I have only one thing to say....

Thank God the Steelers don't have any cheerleaders.

A Little Bit of Culture

I know, I know. Usually I only do one post per week, but this week was different. A few different things irked me. And because I know the 12 people out there who read this are die-hards, the seven days in between posts are a struggle. (What? It's not?....... Well then I'll go on thinking it is). So this week I'm doing two posts, only this one is a tad different from my others. I'm going to culture you people with an awesome poem I wrote while watching the NCAA title game between Butler and Duke. I know it's not as good as, say, the boys from Rezillaient Productions. But it is certainly better than this crap. So here it is. Enjoy:

I turn on the tube,

And what to I see?

A college basketball analyst grinning with glee.

He calls them "awesome" and "perfect"

I really wanna puke,

There are so many reasons I love to hate Duke.

From Singler and Scheyer,

Back to Laettner and Hill,

Everyone gawks,

At Coach K's crew's skill,

But each time I hear it,

I get physically sick,

Sick of hearing about each

And every overrated prick.

"The play defense, make shots, give teams a spook,"

There are so many reasons I love to hate Duke.

They'll throw elbows, grab jerseys,

And nothing gets called,

Yet breathe too hard near them,

The refs get appalled,

"A foul for you!"

They'll yell from afar,

And when asked about the elbows

They cry "Crazy you are."

They could get away with murder,

Maybe even a nuke,

There are so many reasons I love to hate Duke.

Now they have another title,

Let's hear about it some more,

I need to listen to it

Like Tiger needs another whore.

The NCAA is their whipping boy,

And it seems to be no fluke,

That there are oh so many reasons I love to hate Duke.

(Post-game addition):

The championship hats weren't ugly enough,

They needed something more,

And there comes Jon Scheyer,

As gangsta as ever before,

He turned his hat sideways,

Thinking he was cool,

And to that I'm forced to say

Shut up Jon Scheyer. Who are you trying to kid? You are as preppy as all of your other teammates who will never, ever do anything significant in the NBA. Just like JJ Redick. Or Shavlik Randolph. Or Mike Dunleavy. And who can forget Jay Williams, who clearly taught Ben Roethlisberger how to ride a motorcycle. Legendary. So turn the damn hat straight. K?

So there you have it. Are you .001% more cultured now? I know you are. If not, then at least the soothing rapping of Big D will culture the crap out of you. Then, of course, Chilly C will immediately nullify any culturing because of how awful it is, but then again, can you name any famous rappers to ever have come from Coventry, Connecticut?

I thought so.

Don't Give Me Some Love

It's awesome living in today's world. We can communicate with everyone all the time via text message, instant message, e-mail, or telephone call. News is updated by the second, not the day. The women are more beautiful and the TV shows are funnier, and the cars are faster. Sports is no different. Athletes run faster, jump higher, and are stronger and more athletic than ever before. In theory there's nothing we should have to complain about in sports right? Wrong. There is one attribute, one characteristic to sports that has deteriorated completely over the last 25 years. To put it bluntly, there's no more hatred in professional sports. I don't like that.

I can only dream of the days when the Red Sox and Yankees, Packers and Bears, Pistons and the NBA, or Duke and North Carolina truly despised one another. I mean sure, there is the occasional scrum, but it's nothing like it used to be. I've heard the stories. Thurman Munson trucked Carlton Fisk at home plate in 1973, sparking a 10-minute brawl between the Sox and Yanks. In 1984 Kevin McHale clotheslined Kurt Rambis in the NBA Finals. The normally subdued Robert Parish snapped and sucker-punched Bill Laimbeer in the 1987 playoffs. The Philadelphia Flyers and their Broad Street Bullies kicked the crap out of everyone in the 1970s. The Bad Boy Pistons were the same way in the NBA in the late '80s. But all of that was well before my lifetime. I've grown up with players who have played with each other through high school, college, summer camps, tournaments, and AAU. By the time they reach the pros, there is a mutual respect. For some, it is a legitimate friendship. Yuck. Sure when rivals play each other there will be some tension, but it's not the same as it once was. That's why I was irked when Philadelphia Eagles' quarterback Donovan McNabb was traded to the Washington Redskins this week. Are you kidding me? THE EAGLES TRADED THEIR FRANCHISE QB TO ONE OF THEIR BIGGEST RIVALS?!?!?! Ridiculous. Can you envision an aging Roger Staubach being sent to the Giants? Or Ted Williams swapping Boston red for New York pinstripes? How about Larry Bird going Hollywood on everyone and being traded to the Showtime Lakers? It would never have happened. In the words of grown-up Smalls in The Sandlot: "Never in a million years, even for a million dollars." It just wouldn't happen.

But today is completely different. Today it is okay for Johnny Damon to be a key member of the "Reverse the Curse" Red Sox team, then a few years later be a New York Yankee. Players can go as they please to division rivals (this year alone it happened for Vlad Guerrero and Chone Figgins), and teams can trade within the division. And brawls are not true brawls. When Alex Rodriguez and Jason Varitek started the most recent scuffle between Boston and New York, afterwards A-Rod said he hated the Red Sox. If he truly hated the Red Sox he probably wouldn't have almost signed with them earlier that winter. Just saying. The closest thing we have to pure hatred in any professional sport is the distaste superstars Alex Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby have for one another in the NHL. But let's be serious here. Who really pays attention to the NHL? I do, but that's because I'm an unusual young fellow. People loved it after the Olympics, but three days after the closing ceremonies we were back to not caring in the U.S.

It seems kind of ironic that a lack of hatred is a negative thing. Yeah, games are as competitive as ever. But as a 17-year-old who has never seen a true rivalry, one full of hate that brings out the absolute best in two teams, I long for something that reaches even half of what the Celtics and Lakers had in the '80s, or what the Red Sox and Yankees had in the '70s. My proposal is to have Bill Laimbeer come out of retirement and spark a new era because let's be serious. No one likes Bill Laimbeer. There is no doubt he would irritate someone to the point where he gets sucker punched again. But I'm not getting my hopes up too high on that one. So I have to hope for today's friendly athletes, and for them I have but one message: Please don't give me some love. Give me the hate!