The "What-If?" Game

Tiger Woods. Training camp no-shows/fat lards/issues. Tiger Woods again. Oh yeah, plus some baseball here and there (the Red Sox and Yankees played last weekend. It was the first time all year I actually cared about whether or not the Sox won for more than a microsecond.). Basically, it's a fairly quiet time. Thankfully pre-season football will be over in a few short weeks and the real thing will begin once again. But until then what is there to talk about for someone like me? Each of the last three weeks I'd written about the going-ons in the NFL, so I didn't want to do four consecutive weeks of that. If you want weekly football articles with the occasional sarcastic comment, may I recommend DJ Gallo's Offseason Pigskinpalooza on ESPN's Page 2. However, this week I've decided to play a game that never gets old, has no definitive answers, and never will. It's the "What-If" Game!! I picked a few of my own to discuss and asked my very loyal readers on FaceBook what they would like to hear (I expected at most 4 comments, so I was surprised when I ended up receiving twelve legitimate scenarios and an idiotic one). These have no rhyme or reason to them. They are merely what people wanted to see and whatever else happened to pop into my head.

Reader Questions:

"What if Phil Mickelson wasn't such a choke artist whenever he had a chance to become the world number one in golf?"

Well let's recap first in case you're one of the millions of people who don't follow golf. At the WGC-Bridgestone Invitational last week, world #1 Tiger Woods sucked. Not like a for-Tiger-he-struggled-but-for-everyone-else-it-was-okay performance. It was horrid for 4 days at a tournament he had won 7 times before, topped by a 77 on Sunday to finish +18. Phil Mickelson needed to finish in the Top 4 to overtake Woods' #1 world ranking. He started the day tied for 10th. A 78 later (as in one stroke worse than the abomination that was Tiger's final round), he finished tied for 46th. This marked yet another missed opportunity for fan favorite Mickelson to call himself the best golfer in the world. However, the reasoning behind this is legit. On Tuesday Mickelson admitted he has been battling with a form of arthritis in which the body's immune system attacks the joints and tendons. There were times before and after the US Open where he couldn't move because of the pain. I'm no doctor, but I have a sneaking suspicion this could attribute to the fact that he hasn't played consistently well.

"What if the [Red] Sox didn't have so many injuries?"

The Red Sox this year might have topped last year's Mets in terms of injuries, which is pretty bad. Basically every key member of the Sox has missed significant time. Jacoby Ellsbury just returned in the Yankee series after playing only ten games all year. Dustin Pedroia broke his foot two months ago and hasn't returned. Victor Martinez missed a few weeks with a broken thumb, and during that time Jason Varitek broke his foot. Mike Cameron has appeared in only 48 games, and his season is probably over. Josh Beckett, Clay Buchholz, Dai-suck-e Matsuzaka, Manny Delcarmen and Hideki Okajima have all spent time on the disabled list. And in the biggest blow yet, Kevin Youkilis is out for the year with a freak thumb injury. For die-hard Boston fans the names Daniel Nava, Darnell McDonald, and Eric Patterson are becoming everyday names. That shouldn't be happening. There was a point where I'm pretty sure the team was made up of more PawSox than Red Sox, which considering Pawtucket is 16 games under .500 and 19 games out of first place is bad. Somehow with all this the Sox are only 4.5 games out of first place in both the division and the wild card. That being said, one has got to think if all the pieces were together for 140-150 games, Boston would be first or second in the division. Using the impossible-to-calculate Wins Above Replacement (WAR stat) from baseball-reference.com -- which is pretty accurate here, considering half the Sox lineups are made up of mostly replacement players -- Pedroia, Youk, Ellsbury, Cameron and Martinez combined for a WAR of 3.7 last year. Getting more technical, Youkilis' was 6.4 and Pedroia's was 4.9. Basically the absence of those players alone cost the team 3-6 wins. Add in Beckett and Matsuzaka, who have missed about 18 starts total, and that's another 5 wins. Right there is more than enough to give the Sox the divison title. So, in short, if the Sox didn't have so many injuries, with the way they have played in spite of everything, they probably would have won the division title. I think it is too steep a hill to climb out of now, though.

"What if Ben Roethlisberger didn't sexually assault that girl and get himself suspended?"

Well firstly, I would like to acknowledge that he allegedly assaulted her (wink-wink) and that no charges were filed due to the fact that the security tapes were mysteriously "taped over". Don't go implying he's a rapist, because while he probably is, according to the laws of our amazing justice system, he isn't. Anyways, had he not been an idiot, the Steelers would be a heck of a lot better off after missing the playoffs last year. It looks as though Big Ben will miss only four games, as opposed to five or six, so that's helpful for Pittsburgh. Weeks 1-4 are at home versus Atlanta, at Tennessee, at Tampa, and home against Baltimore. Without Roethlisberger, the Steelers are going to have to rely heavily on the running game (as seen in last year's game against Baltimore, where Dennis Dixon barely threw the ball), which struggled mightily at times last year. And considering the Falcons, Titans, and Ravens were all top-10 in rushing defense last year, it suddenly puts a helluva lot of pressure on Rashard Mendenhall's shoulders. With him, Pittsburgh would be able to have a balanced running and passing attack, but instead the defenses will most certainly load the box with seven or eight men and make Byron Leftwich, Dennis Dixon, or (shudder) Charlie Batch beat them. Basically, Mendenhall and the defense need to play out of their minds. If Roethlisberger wasn't such an idiot, the Steelers would have started off 3-1 at worst. Now I'd say 2-2 is much more likely.

"What if LeBron James never wins a championship in his career?"

This is probably the question that is most up for debate. There very little doubt that there has ever been a player with the athleticism, strength, size, and speed that James has. He is unstoppable, but could never get over the hump and win a ring by himself in Cleveland. Now he's teamed up with Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade, and an increasing list of very solid veterans in Miami to form a very scary team on paper. One would guess within five years the team will have won two or three titles. But then there is always the question of whether the egos of James and Wade clash in crunch time, can the team hold it together? However, that isn't the question. If James does not win a title, I would probably cry of joy the day he retires, for there is no one -- absolutely no one -- I hate more in sports. This summer he even managed to surpass A-Rod and Tom Brady. In terms of his legacy, that's an interesting debate. Dan Marino never won a Super Bowl, yet people put him in the discussion of greatest quarterbacks ever. But basketball is different. Bill Russell is a top-5 all-time player because he won so many rings. Michael Jordan is undoubtedly the greatest player ever, and he won six titles. Would we revere his competitive drive as much if he only won once or twice? Magic and Bird won multiple titles, as did Kareem. John Stockton, Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, Elgin Baylor, and Patrick Ewing never won a title, and while they are all Hall of Famers without question, none are in the running for greatest of all-time. In the NBA, championships and legacies go hand in hand. Without at least a few rings, James can be the greatest skilled player of all-time, but it won't matter. He will not surpass the Magics, the Birds, heck, even the Kobes of NBA greatness.

"What if the Mets didn't suck male human reproductive genitalia?" (So I might have edited that one slightly)

Well, quite simply, if the Mets were good, they would probably be third in the NL East, behind Atlanta or Philadelphia, because while they have the parts, they don't seem to have the results to show for them. Theoretically a team with David Wright, Jose Reyes, Carlos Beltran, Ike Davis, Johan Santana, Mike Pelfrey, and Francisco Rodriguez would be very good, yet the Metropolitans had two epic September collapses in '07 and '08, were riddled with injuries last year, and simply aren't very good this year, being 56-56 through Monday and 7.5 out of first place.

"What if the [Red] Sox never traded Jeff Bagwell or Hanley Ramirez?"

This is probably my favorite question. In 1990 the Red Sox traded top prospect Bagwell to Houston for 36-year-old relief pitcher Larry Andersen (whose Phillies' jersey, might I add, I am a proud owner of) in what is considered one of the worst trades in baseball history. Had he stayed a Red Sox player, he wouldn't have even had a chance to play until 1993, when Wade Boggs bolted for the Evil Empire. Then if he transitioned from third base to first, like he did in Houston, he would have had to compete with Mo Vaughn, who from 1993-98 was the most productive first baseman in the American League. He would probably not have hit 449 homers and driven in 1500+ runs. Then there would have been the dark cloud on the Boston organization with Bagwell's association with steroids. Now, there is no proof that Bagpipes ever took steroids, but merely being mentioned can taint everything a player ever did. I don't think he did take them, but perception is everything, and the perception of a few ill-advised souls can change everything.

As for Ramirez, if he isn't traded, the Red Sox do not win the World Series in 2007. He and Anibal Sanchez were traded to Florida in 2006 in return for Josh Beckett, Mike Lowell, and Guillermo Mota. In '07 Beckett went 20-7 with an earned run average of 3.27, and in the postseason he went 4-0 with an ERA around 1.50. Lowell, meanwhile, hit .324 while amassing almost 200 hits and driving in 120 runs. He was also the World Series MVP. As much as I loved Bill Mueller, getting rid of him before the '06 season was best, because Lowell was exponentially more productive than Mueller and his bad knees. As good a player as Ramirez is, Boston would not have been spoiled with another World Series title.

Among other ridiculous questions.... "What if Randy Jackson played in the MLB?" and "What if OJ got back into the NFL? :o"

Randy Jackson would suck as a pitcher or a fielder. Probably not as bad as him or him, but not much better. OJ, on the other hand, would sign with the Redskins and compete with Larry Johnson, Clinton Portis, and Willie Parker for the spot of "least sucky old running back." However, since Mike Shanahan hasn't used a one-back system basically since Terrell Davis retired, all four will get playing time. Simpson will be the 20th-22nd running back taken in ESPN Fantasy Leagues because of this, but he'll be on Matthew Berry's "Hate List" for Weeks 1, 2, and 4 because his opponents were top-10 rushing defenses last year. But look on the bright side -- he'd probably be more effective than LaDainian Tomlinson.

"What if sports never existed?"

Lots of things would change. I would spend all my time on my laptop and watching re-runs of Seinfeld. Brett Favre would spend his summer days mowing his ridiculously huge lawns on his John Deere riding mower in his worn-out Wrangler jeans and dirty cap. Michael Jordan would spend all his time at casinos to feed his competitive drive. Tiger Woods would be a bachelor having sex with every possible woman. Kurt Warner would have spent the '90s bagging at his local grocery store. No one would know who Elmer Flick and George Stone were. And no one would care about the WNBA. See, life as we know it would be drastically different.

"What if [Mark] McGwire gets in the Hall of Fame?"

It would be astronomical if McGwire, or any admitted steroid user, got into Cooperstown, seeing as it's not happening anytime soon. The writers, who vote on who gets into the Hall, have made it quite clear they will not vote for anyone who has juiced, which is why McGwire only received 23.7% of votes (75% is required for election) in 2010. That would mean that Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro, Roger Clemens, Alex Rodriguez and Barry Bonds, among scattered others, would have no shot at getting into the Hall. While I understand the idea that they cheated and should be left out, a huge piece of baseball history is being ignored -- the home run king, two other 600-home run hitters, a 3000-hit member, and a 300-game winner. As long as Pete Rose is left out, no steroid user should ever be allowed in. But if someone like Bonds or McGwire gets in, then it opens up the floodgates for a whole group of juicers that could taint the honor of being in the hallowed grounds of Cooperstown.

My Questions:

"What if David Tyree didn't put a bottle of super glue on his helmet make the ridiculous helmet catch in Super Bowl XLII?"

It is perhaps behind only the Immaculate Reception and "The Catch" in terms of fame (and for New England fans, infamy). David Tyree, the 4th string receiver, making the unbelievable catch against his helmet as Rodney Harrison is taking him down, completing a play where the refs missed about 35 holding calls Eli Manning slithered away from a group of Pats defenders and heaved the ball into the air. A few plays later it was Manning-to-Burress and the mighty Patriots were undefeated no more. If he doesn't catch the ball, it is 4th-and-5 with :59 to go. Manning to that point was 14-for-22 on throws of 10 yards or less, averaging 8.2 yards per reception according to my research. In the 4th quarter he was 5-for-7 and averaged 10 yards a catch. So I believe New York would have gotten the first down and gone into Patriots' territory. From there, however, I think the drive would have stalled, seeing as how Eli was only 1-of-8 on deep throws to that point. The Patriots' defense holds, they go undefeated, Tom Brady is the golden boy (it's disgusting isn't it?), David Tyree ends his career in anonymity, and Mercury Morris finally goes away for good.

(On the note of Tyree retiring, I think it is stupid how he signed a one-day contract to retire a Giant. His career stats (54 receptions, 650 yards) amassed over a five-year season are crappy for a good receiver in one year, let alone half a decade. One-day contracts are meant for Emmitt Smith, Jerry Rice, sure-fire Hall of Famers who are among the greatest at their positions. Robert Horry did not get a one-day contract from the Lakers, Spurs, or Rockets for his numerous clutch playoff shots. Dexter Jackson was the MVP of Super Bowl XXXVII for Tampa Bay, yet he's out of the NFL without a one-day contract. I understand the significance of the Helmet Catch, but I don't think it's grounds for something like a one-day contract, because if he hadn't been so lucky, no one would have known his name. One-day contracts are for established skill players. Sorry)

"What if the Braves or Pirates had scouted Willie Mays?"

That's right. Willie Mays could have been in the same outfield as either Hank Aaron or Roberto Clemente. Scary thought, eh? From James Hirsch's biography Willie Mays: The Life, The Legend:

Some scouts blew their chance for immortality simply because they couldn't judge talent. In 1949, a Pittsburgh Pirate scout... Piper Davis approached [Birmingham Black Barons' owner Tom Hayes] in a hotel lobby in New Orleans.

"Give us $2000 and you can have that kid," [Hayes] said.

"Nah," the scout said. "Even if he got him, we'd make a pitcher out of him"

Could you imagine that outfield? If I were the Pirates manager I would have put Mays in left center, Clemente in right center, and had the third outfielder stand behind second. That would easily be the best outfield in baseball, even with only two out there, and it would be as good or better than Aaron and Eddie Mathews batting-wise. Yikes.

The Boston Braves had an even better shot at The Say Hey Kid. One scout, Bill Maughn, absolutely loved Mays, but could not sign him until he graduated from school. He wrote to the Braves' front office "here is the best standout prospect available in the nation." After waiting a year for Willie to graduate school another scout was sent out, Mays went just 1-for-8 in a doubleheader, and no offer was ever made. As good as Mays and Clemente would have been, Mays and Aaron would have been better. That's 1415 home runs, 7054 hits, and 4200 runs batted in. That's 49 All-Star Game selections and 15 Gold Gloves. Along with Mathews in the lineup and Warren Spahn on the mound, that team would have been damn near unbeatable. The dogfights the Yankees and Braves would have had throughout the '50s would have been ridiculous. And Mays would have more than one World Series ring, while Aaron would have had his. Betcha that scout felt pretty damn stupid, eh?

What if Barry Bonds threw out Sid Bream?

It is one of the more famous baseball plays of the last twenty years. Bottom 9, 1992 NLCS Game 7. The Braves' Francisco Cabrera gets a basehit to left. The tying run scored, and charging around third was Sid Bream, who would score to win the game, and for the third consecutive year the division-winning Pirates were denied a trip to the World Series. But if Bream is out, then what happens? If the Pirates go to the World Series, Bonds and other starters might stay in Pittsburgh (between 1992 and '93 seven starters left). Bonds might not get into steroids, and as Bill Simmons' wrote a few years back, "retire with a respectable 550 home runs and go quietly into Cooperstown". The Pirates might have remained relevant for a few more years instead of being a laughingstock since that fateful night in Atlanta. (Random trivia question: What 25-year-old went 8-1 in 13 starts with a 2.15 ERA for the '92 Pirates? Tim Wakefield)

What if Roberto Clemente's plane was looked at closely?

In one of the most tragic sports stories ever, Roberto Clemente died on New Year's Eve 1972 when his plane crashed going to Nicaragua, with the intention of helping victims of an earthquake. Reading David Maraniss's Clemente, the DC-7 that Clemente boarded that day was in desperate need of engine replacement. A few weeks prior the pilot of the plane, Arthur Rivera, was told by an FAA officer that one was necessary, however the officer "did not issue a condition notice requiring that engine repairs be made before the next flight, instead marking 'satisfactory' and 'no further action required' on the FAA inspection forms." When recommended that he take a test run, there was one problem: Rivera did not know how to fly the plane. It was no wonder the plane went down. But what if that plane does not take off? From a baseball standpoint, Clemente already had 3000 hits (exactly), and at 37 he probably could have added a good 200-300 more. Today he is in the discussion for best ever all-around player. With the extra few years, there would be no doubt -- the best ever players would be Henry Aaron, William Mays, and Roberto Clemente.